It IS life or death, thanks for asking.

So we got the call a little after 5:30 am, my BF’s FIL is not likely to survive the day.   I could spew O2 sats and all kinds of other medical shit that I know too well, and am unable to forget, but the short version is he has hours left.

My PTSD is kicking my ass.  I’m having my old night terror of being in a house on fire again.

I’m hosting a birthday party today for my BF’s grandson, since his mom is spending the day at her granddad’s deathbed.

I feel so tired it’s like trying to walk through a field of wet cotton.

The day is grey, and overcast, with intermittent rain.

I want my old life back.  I had parts of it in my night terror, before the fire, and I was able to keep them safe, even as the fire consumed the house, which I am told is supposed to represent me.  Apparently, my subconscious views me as a sub-code singlewide? WTF?

I miss so many things and people, it’s hard to WANT to make connections again.

So damn tired.

 

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