Irritations, and atonement

My BF is really irritating today. Maybe it’s grief, maybe it’s PMS, maybe he’s just an irritating person. It’s days like this that I think this relationship is my chance to atone for all the times I was impatient and short-tempered with my husband. In 7 years, that’s a lot of little day-to-day irritations. A part of me thinks if I “do better” this time, my husband will come get me (let me die) when I’m finally “good enough”. I don’t lose my temper, and when my BF truly has pissed me off, I go out of my way to be nicer, I rub his feet/his back or bake him a treat. I’ve gained 40 lbs, but at least I’m atoning.

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