Give me a sign? Or maybe…not.

I was thinking as I put away my groceries about how much I wanted “one more” conversation/hug/look/anything with my husband. I remembered how, when he had 15 minutes left to live, and no change in his vital signs, it felt like he “told” me to the point that I put my half finished dinner down, and held him. So I think his soul may have gone…somewhere. So I was wondering why he wouldn’t come back to me, to let me know, and then it occurred to me. When would “one more” be enough? When would I be able to be ok with him not coming back? I got my one more, when against everything his doctors said, he opened his eyes and smiled at me to say goodbye. It may not be all the “one mores” my heart keeps begging for, but it’s more than a lot of people get.
Maybe this is what “acceptance” feels like. If so, it still sucks.

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